Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
