The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
