I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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