the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
