HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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