remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sext me about skeletons
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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