New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
