No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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