STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
