I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
