So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
