The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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