You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
