last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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