News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
