You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
