Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
