so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize