he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
