If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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