Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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