So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
