So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
