I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
