Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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