NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know her cup size but not her name....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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