fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
