So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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