How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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