Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
