You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
4 words: hood of his car
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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