your parents love me but you hate me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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