my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
