went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
