my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
