His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
