spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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