You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
