Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
