You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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