Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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