Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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