ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
