I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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