i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
