spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
