Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
