Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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