was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
