I have demons in me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
