hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
