I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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