he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
