You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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