Swine flu. Run for my life!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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