Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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