when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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