Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
