We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
