apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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