So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
