i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
