Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
