I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
