The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
