Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize