so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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