Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
