I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
