i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
