I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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