i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think i got beer on your cat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
