There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
