So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
