my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
