I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is the high leading the old right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
