I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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