smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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