If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
