What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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