After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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