What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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